A Writer’s Guide to Wallowing in Writer’s Block

What if writer’s block was actually a status to be proud of, a state to be pursued? Enjoyed, celebrated even? It does come with its own benefits, after all. We try so hard to escape it. Why don’t we rather embrace it? Yes, what if we discovered that writer’s block wasn’t such a such a very bad thing?

The following seven-step guide is for all who want to wallow in writer’s block in all its glory. Enjoy!

  1. Believe in it.

    You can’t have something that you don’t first believe is a reality.

  2. Get diagnosed.

    Self-diagnosis is best. Think you have writer’s block? You probably do. Embrace it!

  3. Tell everyone about it.

    The more you draw attention to the fact that you are experiencing “writer’s block,” the more likely you are to perpetuate it.

  4. Adopt it as your current project.

    Who doesn’t like the prestige of having this thing you are currently working on. “What’s your latest project?” an acquaintance might ask. I have writer’s block, you can confidently respond. You’ll knock the socks off them every time. It’s a popular project, no doubt, and quite a dignified one, used by many of our best practitioners.

  5. Make feeble attempts to try to “get out of it.”

    Yes, you must make the pretense that “writer’s block” is a deplorable state in which you do not want to be. This is best done by going to social media and checking your stats on your blog and silently hovering.

  6. Keep your focus.

    Do not do anything to jeopardize your “writer’s block” status. Avoid anything that may jostle you out into a state of creatively, including: going outside, travelling, visiting a museum or a friend, appreciating art, spending time with others, especially children, being curious about the world around you, or reading literature.  Rather, stay inside, close your mind, and repeat steps 1-5 as often as necessary. And, above all else . . .

  7. Do not write.

    How can you possibly justify yourself as legitimately having writer’s block if you accidentally write something? The temptation to write, therefore, must be avoided at all costs. Do NOT open a word processing document and let your hands hover above the keyboard. Do NOT allow pens — or any other type of object that could be used as a writing utensil — into your immediate vicinity. Hide your writer’s notebooks and drafts of all previous projects that you might be tempted to read and take up writing again. And finally, do NOT try writing about writer’s block. It’s an unfortunate reality that far too many people emerge out of their wallowing in writer’s block by trying to articulate the experience in written words.


Question: What do you do to enjoy wallowing in writer’s block?